How Fawning Can Affect Your Boundaries (And What to Do About It)
How Fawning Can Affect Your Boundaries (And What to Do About It)
Are You Over-Accommodating Others to Avoid Conflict?
When we talk about stress responses, we usually hear about the big three F words:
Fight, flight, or freeze.
But there’s another sneaky one that doesn’t get enough attention:
Fawning.
You might not know about fawning, but trust me—it’s subtle and dangerous when it comes to setting healthy boundaries.
What is Fawning?
Fawning happens when you placate, overly people-please, avoid conflict, or over-accommodate others to feel safe. It’s driven by a deep fear of rejection or criticism, and it often plays out subconsciously.
Why Fawning Happens
Just the other day, I had to muster up the courage to have a tough conversation with a family member. They didn’t take it well, and I found myself starting to “fawn” to minimize their emotional reaction.
I recognized the pattern quickly and reminded myself to set my boundaries and distinguish what was my responsibility versus what belonged to them.
If you’ve ever said “yes” when you wanted to say “no”, or neglected your own needs for someone else’s comfort, then you’ve experienced fawning. While it may seem like the quickest way to avoid conflict, it can leave you feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and disconnected.
How Fawning Affects Your Relationships and Boundaries
If you’re constantly fawning in your relationships, you may not even realize how much it’s affecting you. Here’s what fawning can do to your well-being:
- Over-accommodating others leads to feeling drained.
- It creates resentment because you’re not honoring your own needs.
- Fawning creates anxiety because it builds up unspoken tension.
So, how do you break the cycle of fawning? Here are some self-reflection questions to help you assess if fawning is showing up in your life:
Ask Yourself These Questions:
- Why do I feel the need to accommodate?
Is it fear of conflict, desire for approval, or fear of rejection? - Do I feel comfortable saying no or expressing my needs?
If not, why? - How do I feel after interactions with this person?
Are you drained, resentful, or anxious? - Am I giving more than I’m receiving in this relationship?
Is the balance out of whack? - Can I have a candid conversation about my feelings and needs?
Or do I shy away from honest talks? - Do I need support (from a therapist or coach) to create healthier boundaries?
It’s more than okay to ask for help!
How to Stop Fawning and Start Setting Boundaries
Recognizing the fawning pattern is a powerful first step in creating healthier, more authentic relationships. It’s time to reclaim your confidence and your boundaries—and you deserve it.
You deserve to feel grounded, confident, and safe in your relationships—and with the choices you make.
Need some help? Here's my Boundary Foundry Course Bundle
